There is just too much time on my hands these days. I simply wonder why? Many have shared to me how busy their lives were, the fanatic pace they live. And ohh, how my heart yearns for things to do. I have shared to some that life is boring and most takes it as ‘a young boy with no sense, complaining about how good my life is’. Well, which isn’t too far off. But behind it all, i am really seeking for opportunities to spice up my life more. There just isn’t any within my reach.

At work, people looked at my schedule and workload and is in envy of me. But to me, how i wish i can stayed till late most of the time. But if there isn’t anything for me to do, i really do not see the point. There is no room for growth at work. Maybe there will be some in the near future. But after 1 & 1/2 years with my company, i know it is best to leave speculation out till i am actually doing the job.

In ministry, i am simply left alone most of my times. Again i wonder why is that so? I can’t see any future or opportunities where i can finished the work of God in my life. There is this discontentment of not advancing. The more i read the bible, the more discontented i became. Do i really have to wait 40 years before God will used me to finish his business? Well, i will be 69 years young then. I wonder what can i still do. I know that God knows what He is doing. But i just couldn’t stand it much longer. I am at breaking point. The harder i try, the more pain i felt and the more dispaired i sink. In the end, a man without a vision will perish. and i am that perishing man.

Dear God,

I asked but wasn’t given any,
I seeked but found none,
I knocked but no doors were ever open.

Still i choose to believe,
I choose to wait,
I choose to be faithful,
for the Lord says, “He will gives good gifts”.

So with all hope i will believe,
with all patience i will wait,
with all faithfulness i will serve,
for the Lord says, “He will bring all things to pass”.

In Jesus Name,
AMEN.