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Some call the heart – soul,
some call the heart – emotion, and
some call the heart – heart.
Everyone has a physical heart which circulate blood around our body,
but it is the inner heart which i am more interested in.
For the heart is the home for conviction, and
it is also the strength behind the fast processing brain.
Whatever and however we choose to speak or do,
depends greatly on how we want to live our lives, and
the heart is there pulling the strings.
That is also why the bible mentioned the heart 574 times.
Mostly about loving God with all our heart and all our strength.
Indeed, indeed.
Once More
It has been a while, since i hear Your voice.
It has been a while, since i see Your hands.
I have been lost, in the wilderness.
Like the sheep lost in the world, Oh Lord.
Draw me near to You.
Draw me closer to Your voice.
Bring me into Your arms.
Let me hear Your Voice, once more.
I need Your Spirit, Oh Lord.
Take me back, Oh Lord, my God.
I want to hear Your voice, once more
I want to touch Your hands, once more
Written By
Steven Lee
on the 26th December 2007 @ 10:00am
in dedication to anyone who wants to hear once more but is finding it hard
so let this song be your heart cries
It’s the Christmas seasons again. It just brings back certain memories as the year draws to a close and the many questions that just cross my mind.
So on the 24th of December 2008, what will become of me? where will i be? who will i be with? It really is interesting looking back at my life and then trying to look ahead into the future.
God, please give me some nice surprises throughout 2008. i will love to see what you have in store for me.
My days are getting more and more pack. Somehow, more stuffs seems to be added onto me. Well, i am not really complaining, cause i loved to be stretch at this very moment. But having to sleep at 2am for the past few days, it is causing me to fall sick easily. Even at this very moment, i only just finish packing my room. Okie, more things to be done tomorrow. Sleep Sleep.
I didn’t have a busy week for a pretty long time. But with so many things happening at once, life seems pretty interesting once again.
With the planning of OC2008, Mission Trip, Chairing, Sheperding on top of the participation in Sunday Service, Tuesday Prayer and Friday Life Group. Well, well, well, i am beginning to lose sleep. Which i believe is a good indicator of me getting challenged? Of course on the other hand, i found it hard to keep myself awake at work. Thank God for sweets.
And being physically weaken by the past year injuries and sickness (of course plus growing older every single day), i am finding it a bit hard to keep up with this pace. Which makes me look into getting myself physically fit again, so that i can keep running hard.
Emotionally, it has been a bit stressful. I guess i am affected slightly by the loss of one brother. Well, i have been trying to find more news about him, but with not much providence from the media. As we all know, once a news is old, it is no longer consider something worthy to be followed up on by the media. But i did found a webblog which has much details about him.
http://oldtestamentpassion.blogspot.com
To end it, i believe the weeks ahead is going to be less sleep and more work. So i have to learn to keep myself physically fit and healthy. To be able to learn how to be self-controlled and press in with God.
God i do not know how to pray,
and i do not know what to pray.
I know whatever happens is in within the boundary of your plan,
that is why it so hard for me to understand.
I know in You we can trust,
I also know that You will make things right.
Please teach me Oh Lord,
please show me Oh God.
What should i do,
What can i do.
HOW SHOULD I PRAY???
(I wrote this entry on the 26th August 2006 and i guess today will be a good day to post it up)
I wonder if God ever calls me to be a BGR Counselor? Actually this is one of the topics which interest me the most but i also hated handling the most. Reason? I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT? hahahhaa …… People open up to me easily in this area, or did i probe too much? Doesn’t that make me a gossiper or a ‘Kapo’? But still, i think i am a failure in advising them in such areas. Cause none of them seems to heed my advises anyway. ahhahaaa …… Today, I thought i write down what type of Girl i am looking for, or the kind who will normally attracted me. Not saying i will fall in love with them but those who are able to draw my attention.
One: Woman of God.
I am drawn to women who love God and are willing to serve God with their life. That includes putting God first in everything they do. These woman usually talks about God and God and God most of their time. Sometimes about their ministries, sometimes about their problems, but still able to trust God in terms of their worries. They praise God and worship God for everything that happen to them. You can see a spiritual woman. A person who prays and seek God in their lives.
Someone once ask me.
“If you can’t have a normal conversation with the girl you like beside talking about God, something might be wrong?”
I took that at that time as a
“Ohhh … maybe that person is right, i should make other kind of conversation as well.”
But now i see it as
“If God is not part of your conversation, somethings might be wrong here.”
Truely if one love God, everything that was done will have God. might sound abit extreme, but doesn’t that says much about us and God? How can God take the centre stage of our life without involving Him in everything we do?
Two: Intelligent
The word is intelligent and not clever or smart. An intelligent girl are one who are able to form her own thinking on her own and not one who just respond with a “YES”, “YES”, “YES”. This girl should be able to think things through and determine whether it is right or wrong. She should be one who are able to give her own opinion over certain issues. I guess i will even add in a sense of humor here as well.
Bear with me, i am not looking for one who is quarrelsome or one who always want to be right. But if everything i say is going to be right, i might as well be looking for someone to obey me. The girl must be able to correct and rebuke if i am wrong. She must be able to show me the truth – THE WORD OF GOD.
This reminds me of Adam and Eve. Eve is to support Adam, and when Eve sin, this in turn cause Adam to sin as well. Of course, we need both hands to clap, when we look at Adam when they took of the fruit of knowledge, Adam was beside Eve, it also make us question the leading of Adam in that situation. But the reason for this story reveals a need for both Man and Woman to support each other in their respective roles.
Of course in order for ‘Two’ to be look upon, ‘One’ has to be fulfilled. For if the girl is not godly enough, her opinion will be based on worldly aspects not of God.
Three: Same level of Spiritual Maturity
I will actually prefer girls who have a slight higher level of spiritual maturity. A higher spiritual maturity means a gal loving God, chasing after God and willing to correct, rebuke with the Word of God and in love. Someone who can help me to grow even more in God. As she continues to grow, i continues to grow. Of course what i am talking about is slightly higher. I believe that it is not beneficial for one who has a higher level of spiritual maturity over another. The pressure is there, the ministry level is different as well and it will reveal a lack of common spirituality. Of course a guy is suppose to lead, i am not forgetting that. That is why i only believe that slight difference in spiritual maturity will be beneficial to both parties.
(I wrote this on the 25th June 2007, i thought today is a good day to post this up)
A bike speed past and nearly knock down the person. At that very moment, my body froze, my mind stun and i can hear my own heart beat. Everything just seems to come to a stop. Then a scream shatter the air. I rush over and can only manage, “Are you alright?” Thank God for His protection and covering. But God is only beginning to reveal to me a more important message. Fast forward to testimony time during the service. At one point of the testimony, Derek shared how he started praying after a long time. My mind start searching for that time of prayer and i remembered. At the point of my desperation, i have no one else to call out to. I am all alone. Drifting in and out of conciousness. I remember Jesus. The day i started praying was also the same day i lost two friends.
Suddenly it just hit me. I know why i have a problem in relationships of all kind – from BGR, Friends, Family or Mentoring, etc. I never dare to draw too close. I always have a barrier (a safety zone). If someone draws too close, the alarm goes off. If i draws too close, the trumpet sound. There will be a few times when i cross that barrier. But not too long later, i will quickly run back to my camp – the place where my heart, my soul, my emotions, my feelings and my thoughts will be safe.
I always wonder, why did God allowed such a thing to happen in my life? What does He want from me? Why that kind of experience? Till this very day, i still do not know the reason. I always thought that my healing from that incident was complete but today, i know that it is not. I have overcome depression only. The healing in the area of relationship is beginning. I do not know what else to expect that requires healing.
Will this be my thorn for the rest of my life?
Are there different types of sinners?
As i ponder over this thought, i arrived to 3 different type of Sinner – the ignorant, the tempted and the intentional sinner. And based on the following three types, the intentional sinner is the most scary type. The intentional sinner is a person who will have to deny God and to intentionally cast God aside in order to sin, without any remorse in the heart. And to a christian, it is only without the interference of the Holy Spirit, can sin be intentionally. This is the most dangerous for a christian, because it show signs of turning away from God. I pray that if a person do come to this stage, the person will be quick to realise that he/she need God immediately.
Most of the times, a person sin because of temptation or ignorance. My early years of my life are one without God. I was living in ignorance of sin. Most of the things i did are normal to me and it never cross my mind that what i did was wrong. But with Christ, sin became very evident in my everyday life. Therefore, it is possible for someone to sin without realising it which i call, The Ignorant Sinner.
Of course, as a Christ-follower, the Holy Spirit dwells inside of the believer. Whenever he/she is tempted, the Holy Spirit will be quick to prompt that it is wrong. I have been prompted by the Holy Spirit many times. Well, there will be time when i choose to ignore the prompting and i will then fall into sin. Also, there will be times when i quickly shut out the temptation, thus overcoming sin. So this is the last of the three, The Tempted Sinner.
James said in his book that
“… each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
Considering this verse, being tempted is normal, but do not let one’s temptation grow into something which is out of control. Learn to exercise self control so that one will not become an Intentional Sinner.
The reality of defeat begins to swamp over me. I begin to look at my current state of life and ‘yes’, it’s all over. I have failed in so many areas that i wonder what have i done that isn’t right before the eyes of God. In Genesis, God bless and prosper whatever Joseph do. Even those around him prosper. This is all because Jospeh walk righteously with God. I then must have been walking in darkness. There are simply no opportunities. Even those that seems to be opportunities are shut before i got to them.
A few months back, God spoke to me about looking out for these opportunities and seize them. All because i haven’t been doing so. Now that i am, what is happening? Are these opportunities not what God intended for me? Is that why He has been shutting them before i even got to them?
Of course God did said that, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts”.
Since that is the case, it just falls back on Hope and Patience. Someone once said that we as the YGeneration are more impatient and want things to happen fast. We do not know the concept of working hard and being patient in what we do. Which reminds me of what Jesus said about being faithful in the little and more will be added to you principle.
Indeed, i shall be patient and await the time when the real opportunity arises. In the meantime, the only thing i guess i can do is being faithful in what God has already given to me. As for the rest, two words;
TRUST GOD!!!
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