You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November, 2004.
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——-> Headache Headache !!!
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——-> Exam Exam !!!
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——-> I want to go out and play !!!
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——-> Why do i have a paper on the last day of the whole exam period !!!
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——-> I want to watch Movie !!!
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——-> I want to eat my springroll and Dumpling !!!
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——-> Sob Sob !!!
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——-> Everyone’s out playing and i am suffering at home !!!
hmm … actually not really ….. just wanted to complain abit thats’ all hehhehee ….. alright back to my study …. back to my study !!!
Hmm … how come everyone is asking me to stardieeeee …. haven’t i been stardieeeee-ing …….. alright alright those times that you all see me watching Friends is my relaxation time okie …… okie okie okie blame the person who lend me the series ….. (ops just joking okie …. please do not be tooo petty hahahaaa)
Stardieeee Stardieeeee Stardieeeeeeeeee Stardieeeeeeeeeeee …
Hey .. this fun !!! heheheee … new style for my journal hahahaa … it look nice but the only thing i don’t like is that it does not auto justified my text … hrmp !!! My subject title is also linked to the date and time … hrmp hrmp !!! Lousy … let’s hope this rich text thingy will help me sort it out hahahhaa (don’t really know what it is all about anyway hehehee …..)
Proud of myself …. hahhahaa ….. cleared up the mess around me hahahaa …. now it look like someone just rob me off everything hahhaaa ….. but one stupid thing is that i ‘pack everything away’ during my exam period hahahaa …. err …. hahahaha ….. okie okie …. really have to get down to my studies … only 3 more days left to my final paper …. going to do intensive studies liao …. i guess i have been kind of relaxing abit …. err …. abit only la okie hahhaaa …. i did take time to print all my lecture notes … ops …. hahahhaaa ….. hmm … i better sleep early tonight and study hard for the next three days (hear my conviction manzzz) !!!
the weather is getting from hot to hotter manzzz …. how how …. maybe should go and rent aircon hahahaa ….. but i think i am really stupid …. just the other day, i bought this fan which cost me 44bucks hai …… saw the price wrongly … thought it was 22bucks ….. waste my money ….. (but on the other hand, i think the fan is actually quite good hahahhaaa)
Okie …. enjoyed enough …. time to study …. err …. time to go to bed for now 
…..
Dear Lord,
Thank You.
Amen.
>>>hmm …
>>>am i creating a lot of mis-understanding …
>>>am i causing alot of troubles lately …
>>>am i too unfocus nowadays …
>>>am i thinking at all …
>>>am i worrying too much …
>>>am i suppose to change …
>>>am i too prideful …
>>>am i forgetting somethings …
>>>am i doing certain things right …
>>>am i suppose to be the old self …
>>>Hmm …
>>>i don’t want to be prideful …
>>>i just want to do simple things …
>>>i don’t want to initiate …
>>>i just want to be ask of …
>>>i don’t want to create mis-understandings or problems …
>>>i just want to do what is required of me …
>>>i don’t want to critically evaluate anything or anyone anymore …
>>>i just want to forget about it all …
>>>i don’t want to speak up over certain issues …
>>>i just want to maintain silence over them …
>>>i don’t want to constantly think and worry …
>>>i just want to keep my mind blank …
>>>i don’t want to …
>>>i just want to …
>>>Hmm …
>>>a moment of silence …
>>>a moment of quietness …
>>>a moment of nothing …
>>>a moment of peace …
>>>a moment of blankness …
>>>a moment of these will they do me good …
>>>Hmm …
>>>letting the touch of God do His work …
>>>letting the touch of God perform His miricles …
>>>letting the touch of God give me faith …
>>>letting the touch of God give me strength …
>>>letting the touch of God which i will like to ask for …
>>>AMEN !!!
As the night draws to an end,
the new morning arrives.
Only the light from the moon,
bright enough to light my path.
Although the wind felt cold,
nevertheless it keeps me awake.
Although the air felt wet,
nevertheless it refreshes me.
Although the sound seems creepy,
nevertheless it spoke of life.
In the mist of this moment,
gives a feeling of sadness,
gives a feeling of dispair,
gives a feeling of anxiety,
gives a feeling of anxiousness,
gives a feeling of frustration,
gives a feeling of gloominess,
which never seems to find any ending.
In the mist of negativeness,
comes the birth of Joy,
comes the brith of happiness,
comes the brith of peace,
comes the brith of contentment,
comes the brith of reliveness
comes the brith of determination,
which never seems to stop.
Searching for positiveness,
it is there.
Searching for negativeness,
it is there.
Searching for someone out there,
it is there.
What will be the choice,
What will be the choice.
The choice to smile and laff,
even in times of negativeness.
The choice to dance,
or to sing a song of praise.
The choice to pray,
or to read the word.
What will be the choice,
What will be the choice.
In time of negativeness,
birth the love of Jesus Christ.
A new start to a brand new day.
“Let them Alone.” says the Son of God.
(Wow … what strong words …. what could be even worse then been leave alone by the Savior of the World.)
“Proud in heart is an abomination” Proverbs 16:5 NASB
(Hmm … Pride is strongly detested by God.)
Psalm 138:6 “Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar.”
(Hey … strong words from God again, the humble enters His presence, the proud will not.)
The book “Surprised by the Voice of God” really took me by surprise hahahaa …..
hai … i have no choice but to agree with the book that i am a proud person –> spiritual pride. A guy who thinks he knows alot, taking pride as being committed, thinking that everything i did is right, ability to give the best solution for any situation, Ha-Ha …. wat crap is this really …. but i guess God is still gracious enough to let me know that it is time to change my attitude before He throws me out of His sight forever ….. I guess being critical is one thing, but being critical without love is another. Having a critical attitude without love simply shows spiritual pride. God please come and change my life and my attitude towards having a critical spirit with love ….. Trying to control and dominate shows another prideful attitude …. change change change …. in Jesus Name …. AMEN !!!
On the bright side …. i did realise that i am prideful or is this pride heheheehe ……
You are the Way, the truth and the light.
We live by faith and not by sight for You.
We’re living all for You.
“One Way” is slowly but surely becoming one of my fav Praise Song …. ops …. taking over “King of Majesty” ….. I LOVED the Praise and Worship today …. so funny and interesting (:p) and got “One Way” …. could proudly say it is lead by all the beloved leaders of Judah …… Like Ps Kong once said before “nice entertainment and nice music, where could you get it anywhere else for free” … hahaha … could never agreed more ….
But i guess on top of that, it really isn’t that fun and interesting serving on the PA ministry …. really wonder what a low musically and techincally inclined person like me doing in this ministry ….. somemore as a team leader …. who ever heard of a team leader who knows nothing much about the system at all hahahahahaa …. Yup you have and that is me …… i have never been stretch so much in a ministry before …. wheee …. i reallly want to give up on this ministry at times …. it just doesn’t seems to suit me at all …. but on the other hand, i seems to grow in my reliance on God to substain me throughout the whole time i am on duty …… okie okie have to press on (PRESS ON STEVE, YOU CAN DO IT)…. i guess everything will turn out good (for the glory of God!!! AMEN!!!) ….
hmm … come to think of it … i really love to plan and to organise ….. i guess thats why i enjoy the event management course so much ….. and i guess that is why God never place me in any ministries that need planning and organising …. because it will never stretch me much at all hahahaa … and i could never grow as much compare to the minsitry which will stretch me … like this PA Ministry hhahahaaa …..
Okie okie … better get back to my study !!! Exams on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday !!! wheee ….. will really stretch my faith once more hahahaa …. and YES with God everything is possible and i will be passing this semester with God’s help again heheheee …….. STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY !!!
Hmm …. Hmm …. Hmm …. Hmm ….
2:30AM !!! 2:30AM !!! have to sleep !!! have to sleep !!! only finish 6chapters today !!! Hai …. unproductive day again !!!! God help me !!! Sleepy !!! Sleepy !!!
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Dreaming !!! Dreaming !!!
HALLELUJAH !!! HALLELUJAH !!! HALLELUJAH !!! i guess all my worries are for nothing … when God have spoken, why should man worry right hehehehe ….. after two days of trying to contact my lecturer about whether i can pass the course anot, i got her just before CG starts hahahaha ….. i thought that i can’t get her anymore … somemore today is Friday. But praise God, i manage to get her and she said, ‘dont worry about it’ hahahaha ….. nice nice ….. wow wat could describe my happiness and joy when i heard this. i am eager to tell everyone !!! hahahhaa !!! God have moved again despite me being a natural worrier hahahhaa.
Suddenly a urge to write this Poem to God right now hahhaha …..
Dear God,
You are good,
really really good.
For You are with me,
who could be against me.
For You have spoken,
who are we to worry.
I love You God,
for You are real.
If You are not,
how could i believe.
If You doesn’t speaks,
how could i tell of You.
I love You God,
for You are real.
I love You God,
for You are real.
AMEN !!!
Exams isn’t over yet …. i still have tons of praying to do …. but right now ….. praise God for what You have done so far and i will praise You and commit everything else to You as well. I shall not worry, and just wait upon You to speak again.
Ps: PRAYER IS POWERFUL AND MIGHTY !!!!
I think it is really funny how i can be at times. Especially in the time of crisis, problems, stress and troubles.
Only in time of crisis,
will i only come to God and seek Him.
Only in time of crisis,
will i only realise something which i should not have done in the first place.
Only in time of crisis,
will i only start to become aware of that ‘Sin’.
Only in time of crisis,
will i only start to repent hard.
Only in time of crisis,
will i only start to pray very very hard.
Only in time of crisis,
will i seek Him with all my heart.
At the very least, i turn to God instead of trying to find a solution from the world. Of course at times i did try the world first instead of turning to God, but i am so glad that i always turn to God in the end.
He have never fail me nor forsaken me in times like this. He always have the time to comfort, encourage and help me out. He always solve my problems. I am always told by others, how i will take His almighty grace for granted. Seriously if i can help it, i will not want to. I know God have help me out alot especially in my studies. In times when it seems like i am destined to fail, i pass. In times when i thought i could not finish my assignments, i did. God is merciful, gracious and loving. I know i don’t really deserve these helps considering the effort i put into my studies, but whenever i pray for the help, He came and help me out. I am truly grateful for it.
This semester, the very same happened once again. On the eve of my exams, i am told i will fail one of my course due to a lack of attendance. HA-HA. i want to really laff but i can’t. How could i. Hai …. when i heard that i need attendance to pass this course, i think my whole body just froze. I could literally feel a cold shiver just ran through my whole body. And instantly, i knew that i have sin, for not attending tutorial. Sound strange right, how could not attending tutorial be a sin. But it is. How could i glorify the name of Jesus by skipping lectures and tutorial. I don’t even want to give myself any excuses for doing that. (I know i am wrong, GOD !!!) I just felt very very sorrowful even when i am writing this.
I guess even as i repent, telling God i will not skip anymore tuts and lecs anymore, i felt God reassurance. I was praying for a miricle to happen, because i just could not see how i could pass this course. Seriously i am very worried. Even as i pray, i was brought to the passage in Romans 8, and the verse 32, “He who did not spare His own Son, but give Him up for us all – how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” I just felt God telling me not to worry and just continue to pray. He will help me out as long as i am willing to come to Him.
I guess as a human being, i just could not help worrying. i tried to put up a strong self in front of everyone, trying my best to built a joyful spirit, but deep down, i am not. But i have God and as long as i do not let the negative or emotional spirit overcome me, i should be alright. Even though i still could not understand how i could pass, i am going to wait and see what will happen. Seriously, i have told myself to prepare for the worst, but i really really don’t want to fail. I guess right now, what i can only do is pray and trust in the words that God have given me even though my faith isn’t that strong to believe that it is possible. And i could only continue to maintain a strong positive spirit instead of letting my emotional part get the better of me. I guess i could only wait and see what could happen next.
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