You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October, 2004.
Hmm … i just want to close my eyes … i just want to fall back in my seat and just go to sleep … i am tired … my mind is not working … what am i thinking about … the lab … whats’ the person on my right doing right now … whats my brother in US doing … hmm … whats everyone doing right now … i have to check what my group mate have written … i have to start working on my assignment again … praying meeting coming up … full night somemore … wonder who will be there … should i stay for the whole night … will i have enough time to finish my assignment … will i fall alseep in the prayer meeting … should i go and catch a movie now … what should i watch … no movie comes to mind … hmm … should i write e-mails to my friends … maybe i should call the guys in my caregroup … have to plan games for friday … have to call people to come for friday … have to call Derek to ask him to prepare the game … who should i call … know one comes to mind … what should i do … hands just typing nonstop … thoughts just flow from my mind … what happen to all my contacts … i have non … cannot be … will i meet anyone … so i can just invite … when is my shepherding with Kelvin … when should i have my shepherding with Nyasha … have to call Roger … prayer request programe … tired … sleepy … Evaxs tomolo … should i go … should i not … so many people i know in the lab … don’t feel like praying … don’t feel like talking … just want to keep typing … but nothing to type … assignment due on friday … will i finish in time … will i fail in this assignment … exams coming up … have not study yet … no time to study … what can i do … have to finish assignment first … want to pray now … haven’t even check my exam timetable … O No … who can pray for my exams … should i send my timetable to all my christain friends … need a lot of prayer … Holy Spirit come … God come … give me strength … give me grace … give me favor … have to run with God … have to pray with God … have to talk to God … have to built relationship with God … sleepy … sleepy … have to read the Bible … have to spend time with God … have to call my family … have to talk to them … have to built relationship … have to have passion for the people … have to have even more passion for God … what crap am i writting … i dont know … doesn’t understand … no time to think … its 4:08pm … have to go to prayer meeting soon … just want to keep typing … have to built up my spirit … have to move on … have to cheer up … forget about tiredness … forget about sleep … drink coffee … seek God … ask God … strength … grace … annoiting … empowerment … fvaor … to hear Your voice to day … will pray hard and fast … will stay for You … will plan the games … will worship and praise Your name … to sing You a new song … Yes Lord … Thank You Lord … praise You for everything … praise You for the assignments … praise You for speaking … praise You for substaining me … YES GOD !!!
whee … all the thoughts which went through my mind, looking at it is so scary hahahha so full of ups and downs hahahhaaa …. IN JESUS NAME –> DISPEL ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND TO HAVE STRENGTH IN YOU !!! AMEN !!!
Its a Bright Sunny Saturday Morning !!! YEA !!! YEA !!! YEA !!! hehhehehee …
I survived another week of assignments lor , always wonder how ever i do it one heheeee … of course its’ God’s Grace la … hahhahaaa …. and i have another assignments due next Friday lei …. hai …. somemore 50%, this time die liao lor … haven’t even start yet …. ARrrrrr …. Okie okie neber die one … i got ‘laoba’ grace ma …. hahhaaaa …. hahhahaahha …. hahahhaa … hahahaahaha …. cannot stop lafffing lei hehehee :-O when i think that this really sound like self-comforting to me hehehee …. but its true okie …. hai … especially so when i think about my computer which keep crashing lei …. i just format my computer again (AGAIN) yesterday !!! it crashes again but i am sooo glad it didn’t crash when i am working on my assignments ….. the thought of it is breaking me into cold sweat manzzz hahhahaa ….. ultimately … must really thank God for it la !!!
hahahaa hahahah ahahhaha hahahhahah ahhahahahah …. for the top part i try writting in my long time no write Singlish hahahhaaa ….. so difficult hahhahahahaha hahahhahah hahhahaha … must start practicing that art again hehehehe …. time to switch back to normal writting ….. easier for me now hahhahaha ….
Seriously, I am really beginning to worry about my exams now …. i dont have enough time to study !!! HOW HOW HOW !!! and the thing is i cannot start now even if i want to, i have to finish my assignment first ….. O NO … really have to pray very very hard for all the papers manzzz … God help me !!! Must sumbit all my exams timetable to all my christian friends and ask everyone to pray for me hahahhaaa ….. if not … i dont have enough confidence for this semester liao …. i still remember when i first started this semester wanting to score straight 7s for all my 5 papers hahahhaaa …. err …. i think scoring 4s now is still in question manzzz hahhaaa …. okie okie pray pray pray !!!
Yesterday i have a talk with Ps Wilson about participating in more event management with the church hahahaa …. when event management first started … i was really very interested and i even make an application hehehehehe …. but i guess since they never reply … errr … i just didn’t bother about it anymore hahahaha (sound like my attitude problem working hard again this time heheehehee) …. after that talk with Ps Wilson, it actually got me interested again … hmmmm …. maybe i should have a chat with the people in-charge once more … to see if they are able to give me a position or two hehehee (actually i dont mind sweeping the floor if they have one that is hahahhaha if you know what i mean hehehhee) … the next thing i did was to go and check out whether Hope Singapore have an event management ministry hahahhaa and guess what … **DONT HAVE !!!** … hahahahhaaa …… maybe God is asking me to start one back in Singapore hehheee !!! ……..
One lesson learn for the whole week ….
“even in weeks which is busy,
learning how to still worship and praise God,
learning how to still serve Him,
learning how to still rely on His Spirit,
learning how to still stay in His pressence day in day out.”
Err …. doesnt sound like one lesson to me hahahhaa ……
alright time to go and prepare for the Wedding liao ….. JEN AND DAN’s Wedding ……. so nice so nice hahhahaa ….
WOW !!! Sorry Lord !!! Forgive me !!! Thank You Lord !!! Praise You Lord !!! These are words that are bursting out of my mouth this very moment !!! An area which i have been lacking for so so long, an area which i once fullfilled faithfully, an area which once brings about blessing, an area which brings about struggle, and today all revealed to me by my wonderful GOD. I have sinned in the area of giving.
It never occurs to me that i will be watching CHC Live Webcast today, but at around 10:30Pm, I just went and turn it on. Who will expect a message to hit me so hard. I didn’t. I remember one moment when Ps Kong spoke about “where the heart will be, regarding on how you spent the money”. It just remind me of last year and this year. The time when i was faithfully and sincerely giving to God and to His people compare with the time when i wasn’t. I guess my focus changed, i could say i am no longer as passionate about people as i was compare to last year (i remember in one of my prayer is to make me a man of passion for people and guess what, God have just spoken). It just makes me realise that when i chose to put God and His people first, my money never seems to run out when compared to the financial problems i keep having this year round. I just want to shout this “My God is a great God who is willing to prosper those who are willing to give to Him and His people”.
Another turning point came which make me repent is in the area of tithing. I have been giving myself so many excuses that “these money is not my money, but my family and i should not give it to God”. Wow … just realise what a sucky and crappy and lousy and “whatever” excuse this is … the best part about this excuse is that the money simply just don’t go to God, but to somewhere else thats all …. i spent it all on myself ……. This is soooo crap Lord …. please forgive me ……. From today onwards, this should no longer be my excuse for tithing and giving instead give me a conviction which will stay with me from today onwards. I know God specifically took this time to change my views towards all these issues which i have been lacking in foresight and i really am so glad that God is willing to let me see.
Now more praise points hahahaha …… Prayers work wonders manzzz …. trust me in this … yesterday it was one of the most stressing and saddening time of my life –> Computer crash, can’t backup all of my files (thank God most of my files are backup), try reformating, but can not reformat as well. hai …. it make me so stress as i really have alot of assignments due, and with exams coming up, i am really running out of options but for a new laptop. A brand new laptop have been on my mind for quite some time, and since i have some shares back in singapore, i was like “why not sell it and buy the new laptop”. Bad decision. The next thing i do is calling my auntie who literally give me a piece of her mind. And on top of that, i could really feel my temper rising (thank God, i am able to control it, else WW3 will be declare hahahaha). Wow …. a few days ago i was just talking about relationship building and now this have to happen (i literally force myself to laff my way through and thank God it help). After the phone call, i was quite sad at how come she just doesn’t understand the situation i am in. This morning, while doing my QT, two verses came to me. The first is about not worrying (Matthew 6:25-34) and the second is about casting my worries and budern upon my God (Matthew 11:25-30). After hearing from God this two verses, i suddenly felt so light as if my stress and worries are now gone and i also prayed for my computer to work. And PRAISE GOD …. it work ….. hehehehe ….. and i just received a phone call from my mum hahhaha … saying if i need a new laptop, she will get one for me (forgot to add hahaha …. i rejected it though since my computer is working now hahahah) ….. wow …. isn’t my God sooooo wonderful. hehehe ….
God really taught me a few lessons today. To simply trust and believe in Him, to cast all worries, stress, problems, budern upon Him, to really give Him the glory in the area of giving…. so many things ….. and all i want to say from my heart is Thank You Lord.
The Room within ME !!!
Part of the room filled with Light,
Part of the room filled with Darkness.
Remind me of Good and Evil,
Remind me of God and Devil.
The struggle within who will know,
Unless i tell for the people to know.
A feeling that is cold and empty,
Another feeling that is warm and bright.
A path once so dark and lonely,
Now a path of light and peace.
A path once lack joy and happiness,
Now a path of laughter and smiles.
Looking deep within me,
Searching something within me.
Found the something within me,
Looking up from within me.
A Man known as Jesus,
Comes knocking at my door.
Wanting to give me a gift,
Which i accept and never regret.
The room within me,
Now filled with the light of love,
The room within me,
Now filled with the Jesus i love.
I Lov’ You Lord Jesus !!! I lov’ You Father !!! I lov’ the Holy Spirit !!! Today have been a great day !!! I managed to shared my heart and conviction out to two person hahaha, one –> my sheep, another a friend hahhaaa ….. shouldn’t name names hhehehehe ….. nevertheless, don’t you just lov’ it when you know that it can only be the Holy Spirit which is speaking through you to another person ….. manzzz i lov’ it !!! Thank You GOD !!! I might sound proud here but i am proud that i am walking in God, I am proud that i have the Holy Spirit to be upon me, I am proud that God decides to use me !!! (give me humility God hahahaha) Actually ‘happy’ is the more correct word which i should use. I just lov’ moments like these when God decides to use me to speak forth even my own experiences. I guess thats’ why God allows me to experience so much things in my life, so that i could use it all for His glory. I just pray that whatever is spoken from my heart, God will do something great in their lives.
I think i am beginning to miss people that is not around me anymore ahhahaaaa ….. i sent so many individual e-mails to so many people today (something which i haven’t been doing much), my dear twin brother, my CG leader back in Singapore, my two sheeps which have went back home, friends who have left Brisbane and friends who are still in Singapore. I guess when i told God i want Him to build in me the area of relationship with the people i know, He started to plant in me a desire to build a deeper relationship than i usually would have done (else i don’t think i will have sent e-mails out today hahahah when i am suppose to work on my assignments). Speaking of which, i am missing my fellowship group back in Singapore. I guess even though the old group have splitted up (err …. multiplied) into Brisbanites and Melbournites, i still lov’ every single one of them hahaha…. when i heard that there is so many new people in my Care group right now, and with my CG Leader saying (she replied instantly the moment i sent out the mail, this is what i call efficient hahhahaa), there is too many people in one CG already and wanted me to go back to lead the “going to multiplied group”, i just want to fly back and help out hahhaa (even though i know she is just joking okie hahahahahaa, who is not afraid to let me lead a group anyway heheheeheee, i think if i really lead a new group, they will suffer a total change in leadership style manzzz hahahaha ….. ).
Talking about Mulitipling, it just remind of the little chat which i have with M ….. we were just speculating how one of the group is going to multiply soon and most likely before the next orientation. And M was going like “NOooooo”. I guess this is bound to happen, it is just a matter of timing, soonner or later, and i believe everyone knows what is happening but no one wants to think about it which leads to the “THE COMFORT ZONE”. I remember the time when my own group multiplied into two units, it really is a hard time for us who stayed behind (dont know about those who left hahhahaha), so much more things to do, so much more things which need to settle, but amazingly, if the unit never mulitply, i guess there is simply no room for growth. So go ahead and multiply ….. it will be a challenging time for all of you !!!
O NOoooooo !!! Its’ 1Am …. Better get to my work !!! if not, i dont think i am able to sleep anymore tonight !!!
Wheeee …… Exams Coming up !!!! Oh Man and i just realise how much work i have to get it done –> 3 Assignments Due in two weeks and preparation for 4 Examinations !!! But strangely, i don’t feel any pressure at all hahahaa (must have been my good relationship with God “AT THE MOMENT” hahahaa) and with my computer keep crashing on me in the day, there is simply no way i can stay at home and do my work !!! On the other hand, it does make me stay in uni and get more things done hahahaa. I have been quite proud of myself this semester hahaha –> reason: have been very consistent with my work hahahah. (maybe i am force by the circumstances though hahaha –> imagine 16 assignments and exams this semester for me) Since the start of my uni life and for every single semester, i have been telling myself and God that i will study hahaha … but in the end ….. i still end up NOT STUDYING at all **sheepish grin** ….. but for His grace so abundantly given to me, i have not fail hahahaaa, YET !!! Everyone have been telling me not to take His grace for granted, in actually fact i do know but hai …. can never seems to focus on studying !!! Nevertheless, i think this semester have been my most hardworking semester of all hahhahaa.
But despite me working harder than previous semesters, i found that i dont achieve better results for my assignments at all, i really wonder why. And this make me wonder ….. What happen if i failed all 5 subjects this semester? Seems impossible but still i wonder if i will still remain with God !!! If that really happen to me, i will be so shocked manzzz and i dont think i am able to take this !!! So God please do not let this happen to me, I can’t take it !!! You say you won’t let me handle things which i cannot handle and You do know my limit, right God. Alright enough about My acedemic life for now hahhaa … starting to sweat the more i write about it hahahha.
During Shepherding today, Lillian says she noticed a change in me heheheheee … i have been more emotionally stable nowadays as compare to the past 1 n 1/2 years, especially after the JG Advance. She is saying that when i am emotionally down, everyone could see it in my face, in my eyes, in my ways of doing things, in my expression, basically in everything hahahhaaaa (and thats true, i could be so quiet that you will miss me hehehehee)….. and when i am emotionally high, i will be super hyper, super high, trying to be funny, talking alot alot, laffing alot alot alot hahhahaa ….. (hmmm…. actually it just reminded me of how extreme i am hahahhaa) ….. I do agreed with her that i am definately more emotionally stable recently (Give GOD all the GLORY!!!), especially in the ways i handle things ….. i do notice a difference ….. only four words can describe me now heehehehe ….. ” I AM BALANCED OUT” no longer the emotionally extereme guy anymore hahahha and i do intend to keep it that way (God let it be true). Okie something about extreme hahaha ….. i only say i will be emotionally balanced and not to the ways i do things okie hhehehe …. i will still want to stay extreme for God !!!
God spoke to me about responding to Him again during the prayer meeting. (have i not responding enough?) hahahaha ….. Ps W was asking for people to raise their hands on certain issues (alter-call style), when he suddenly says, “pray for those that raise their hands”. The first thing that actually comes to my mind is “WHAT IS HE DOING !!! ISNT THIS SUPPOSE TO BE CLOSED EYES SESSION !!!” When i open my eyes, i saw a few hands immediately shot down, only leaving a few and i was going “SEE THIS IS WHAT HAPPEN !!!” After we have prayed for the people whose hands are still raised, we went back to our normal “CLOSED EYES POSITION” for him to call for alter-call again. And i was like okie, “HE MAKE A MISTAKE JUST NOW, SO THIS TIME IT WILL BE OKIE.” This time the same things happen again, and i was going “WAT DEE”. At this moment God spoke to me. He reminds me that for those whose hands remain up, these are the ones who is serious about responding to Him at this very moment and He will definately come and change something about their lives. I was actually quite amused with the whole thing hahahaa …. i was telling myself that this is really interesting. Many a times, i judged too fast and did not take into consideration about what God is doing and this very incident taught me about being slow to judge and being steady in responding to God despite the surrounding. A lesson well learnt i will say and i wonder if i am able to apply it hahhaaaa ….. Just want to say “I AM SORRY GOD, AND THANK YOU LORD”.
After prayer meeting, i suddenly have the urge to just call my family, GrandMother, Father, Mother, Brother. And indeed i make a call to each one of them, except for my dear brother (err…. will be tooo Xpensive to call him anyway hahahha). They were going like “Oh is everything alright” hahahhaa ….. (maybe its because i don’t usually call back during the weekdays hahhahha). My father is actually running when i called him….. (i was like err….. it caught me by surprise hahahaha) ……. didn’t know that he goes running …. hai … this just show how much i know about my father. I think i better work more on my relationship with Him manzzzz …. On top of my list now is relationship building with my family hahahhaaa especially my father.
hai …. my computer crash again and i think i really have to get a new laptop real soon …. if not how am i going to do all my stuffs…… hai ….. have to plan out my churching building fund first then see how everything goes. I seriously wonder if i have enough funds to get a new laptop hahahaa ….. anyway …. i am going to sleep liao …. and if you are wondering how come i didn’t lose anything, cause i just post everything up and my computer crash hahahahaa …. PRAISE GOD for that !!!!
Sob Sob !!! What i have just wrote all gone !!! My computer crash !!! hai ….. should i write a new one or should i rewrite it ??? super confused now !!! okie anyway lets see how this goes hahahhaa …. i was just talking about some situations in my life and this have to happen at this time to me hahahaa …. what an interesting life i have hahahha …. agreed ???
So in the Year 2005, October 8th, what will that day really be like? Will it be a sad day or a happy day? Will it be a interesting or boring day? Will the days building up to this day be full of surprises? Or will the day itself be a Surprise? Will i continue or will i back off? Will i run or will i walk? Will i still be there for you or i won’t? I really wonder what this day will be like.
Considering all my life as a christian have been interesting, in fact very very interesting hahhaaa …… every single year, i learnt something …. the first year, my growth as a young christian have been filled with excitement, learning, joy and experiences hahhaa … i even got the fastest growing christian award hahahah ….. comes the second year, my growth in serving in ministry for God, i experience a time of zeal and passion, and a time of lack of zeal and lack of passion hahahhaa …. serving in alot of ministries at one stage and serving in none at another hahahhaaa ……. comes to think of it, it really is stupid to drop all my ministries …… this year, relationships hahahahaa …. maybe i write more about this next year hahahhaaa …..
Whoever says that Christianity is boring, please take a look at my life man ……… i always wonder if i will still stay in christianity if my life have not been this interesting …. it have been the experiences which i have that makes me stay ……. love, anger, happiness, saddness, joy, worries, peace, anxiety, calmness, disappointment, craziness, discontentment, passion, lukewarmness, annoiting, lack of annoiting, wisdom, stupidity, ….. and the most important of all ….. a special touch from God.
Hai ….. lost the last part again and now have to rewrite hahaha … this is seriously going no where hahaha …. maybe God doesn’t want me to show the last part !!! When my computer crash, it is also at this last part hahaha …. I think i will just end it here and see how it goes …….. maybe i will add in the last part next year !!! hahahahaa
I will be looking forward to the Year 2005, October 8th ….. will be very interested to know what is going to happen ….. maybe God will show me in advance hahahah ……
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