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I am actually feeling kind of sad right now. i just receive news that a few of my brothers (i don’t know bout the sisters) actually fail in this semester exams. I think that is the problem with me, their saddness became mine and i really can feel it, i felt so lost and don’t know what to do. i wanted to encourage them but i don’t know how and the only thing i can do is to tell them that God really do love them and there is always a purpose in everything and it is still within God’s perfect plan.
Of course for myself, i did not fail cause during the time after my papers, i have God’s assurance that i will not fail and indeed i did not. Praise God for that. But still my mood is not really very good.
Let me just list down what God have done in my life during the 3-days mission trip.
1. God change my heart right from the start. My feeling in the beginning have been lukewarm and not very responsive and i don’t really feel very excited about the whole thing at all. But God mold and change my heart to one which is filled with excitment and passion and i am thankful to God for that.
2. Nu and myself was praying for a storm to disrupt the whole schoolies event and indeed a hailstorm came. (this is the first time i saw a hailstorm in my life)
3. I never knew i could act until that day of the performace.
4. God show me a very clear vision. (I am in a car looking out of the eyes of the driver and all i can see is that the car is going at a very fast speed and the whole vision look so dark and loney) (second vision is that the car slowing down) (Interpretation: i think God is saying at that time is that we are going too fast for our own good and that we are just running on our own strength, instead of God’s strength)
5. In one single session of the prayer, God show me multiple vision. (I am now in the back seat, looking around, i saw that there are more cars around and everything look more happy) (I felt this vision demostrate that we have turn and rely upon God more now as He is in the driving seat) and (when Charlzes touched me, i felt God’s touch have been upon us and He seems to be telling us that His presence will always be with us).
6. Did street preaching, a personal breakthough.
7. Learnt about what a mission trip is all about.
Okie i think i will write until here as the mood does not seems right.
It have been a great week and the reason why it took me till now to update is because i have been away and after i got back, i wanted to write in this Journal about all that have happen but there simply is too many loose ends for me to tie up hahaa !!!! Finally got the chance to write … this is going to be a long long journal.
To tell the truth, before the mission trip to Gold Coast, i really don’t feel like going and i don’t even feel excited about it at all (must have been those spiritual attacks again heheee). But still i am so glad that i force myself to go as i learn so many things and i saw God’s hand move within our mist. I am so touched by what is happening around me until the point that i could cry. (hey i am a very emotional person okie)
But still from the start, everything seems to go wrong. People turn up late, and things just simply don’t go the way we wanted it to go, if you know what i mean. People seems to be holding back, scared, worried, not interested (like me), spiritual atmosphere seems lacking, can’t find a place for our performance, can’t do this this, can’t do that, etc, etc. The list can go on and on … but there are still things that really hit me on the first day, are the prayer walk and the heart of the people from the Gold coast Care-group and ya i saw my first Hailstorm heheee (Nu and i have been praying for a storm and a hailstorm came hahaaa) ……..
The prayer walk is really an eye-opener for me. The atmosphere is really very very scary and intimidating. It so happen that this mission trip fall on the week of the schoolies, which means that every youngster that just finish high school is out in the streets partying, smoking, drinking, taking drugs, fighting, getting laid and whatever you can think of, they are out there, doing crazy stuffs. It is like stepping into another world. But still, i have to say that God have been great. By the time we finish our prayer walk, i believe most of us have been strengthen alot and have more courage to carry this mission off.
The people from the Gold Coast Care-group have been great too. When we reach Nhloa and Peter house, they are about to start their dinner but they willing give up their fabulous dinner for us. Not only that they offered us so much help with the acommodation and everything else. They even shifted their usual Care-group from a Wednesday night to a Tuesday night just to welcome us. They prepared a wonderful BBQ dinner for us and give us little encouragement cards and the most touching thing they did is, they wash our feet. All this things really touched and encourage me a lot and i told myself that if they can have this heart of Gold for people like myself, i must be more willing to do the same to the others as well (freely i have received and freely i will give).
Things started to get slightly better on the second day but still there is definately more rooms for improvement. The night before, i was out with Nu sort of spying out the land and trying to find places for our performaces but still it is not very fruit-ful. But i have a good talk with Nu and for the first time, i can confirm now that i am simply too emotional. This is an area that i have to try my very best to overcome and make it more balanced else i will be too easily subjected to my mood and feeling (so girls, that is why i can related to you so much easier right heheee).
We did our first evaxs on Gold Coast and although we did not see anyone come to know Christ but everyone learn something and met interesting people. The night evaxs is also something new but then i am simply so tired and my mind is not working at all. It is also frezzing cold out there and i am wearing only shorts and t-shirts. You can imagine. i am basically half-dead and my response is just so slow. But still i like to thank Tez for coming along with us, we are on the point of giving up and she said some words which really push us to carry on. What she said is really really very encouraging and i really really like to thank her.
The final day is really really the best as everyone really are into one heart and one soul to preach the good news and to work together. What amazed me is that everyone in the team did street preaching (we just stand up and start preaching hahaa) which i did not really expected but i can say everyone have a great time with God and have great personal breakthrough.
Okie i have more to write so wait for Part Two as i have to rush for shepherding with Tom now.
hahahaa , just ‘kana’ scolded by someone who says that i have not update for 2 days … it is not that i don’t want to write, it is just that for the past 2 days i am busy with my studies and cell-group that i don’t have the time to write … (must state reason, cannot be wrongly accused heheee)
i think in this few days, i have really study very hard and i thank God for the conviction and i thank God for a relatively simple paper. Tell you something, i mis-read the chapters that i am suppose to study for the exam, i thought i only have to study for 3 chapters for the exam and i was thinking how come it is so easy and guess what, i found out on the exam day itself that every chapter will be tested hahaaaa …. i am so blur and stupid but then i still want to thank God, cause i think i did the paper relatively well, of course with the help of God, even the few chapters that i read up on, is useful for the exams hahaaa …. Praise God !!!
Overall, the past two days have been quite busy and fullfilling but then i think i prefer to talk about today instead. Today is the Church seminar, A Sanctified Church. So as usual, i went to a seminar without much onjectives, just hoping that God will touch me in any way He deem fit (doesn’t seem like a thing i should do).
The whole day, i am so busy with the tape/cd resource ministry that i don’t think i really feel very touch by God in anyway. In actual fact, i am actually quite disappointed with this seminar, i did not felt God presence very much, unlike previous seminars. I think my busyness is stopping me from reaching God on a personal level.
I actually did not realise it until the lunch break, when we have the discussion, i don’t even know what i am talking about. I know that i am not going to reach God if i don’t do something to it and during dinner break, i decide to read up the note abit more and try to understand what it is all about and trying my very best to get into the presence of God and thank God, things start to change for the better. I start to get into the presence of God a little bit more, which i hope by tomolo, i will have a new revelation given by God.
EC also went to view the new house which we will be going to shift into and hopefully, on Monday when he go and talk to the agent, everything will be settled and done. Have to really commit this house into God’s hand.
I just talk to a friend from Singapore who will be coming over here for detachment, but the problem is that he will be here on the last day of my mission trip, so i don’t know how to pick him up from the air-port, but hopefully i will be able to arrange something for him and get him to settle down a bit. I have to talk to Kelvin about this again.
Something to confess, i have not been doing my quiet time these 3 days and i better get up earlier to do it. (Maybe i should do it now)
Okie, i will end with a prayer ….
“Dear Father, i believe throught today seminar, i have learnt quite a few new concepts and ideas and i thank You for it. Father, i pray that You will help me out here a bit, today have been quite disappointing for as i don’t really felt You and i did not receive any new revelation from You. But i pray O God, that You will help me to reach another level of breakthrough with You during the servcie and seminar. God i want to learn something from You on a more personal level and i want Your touch to be upon me Lord. I really really want it Lord and let it be my cry for You tomolo. Let me be touched even when i serve you in the ministry Lord, everything i do tomolo will consist of Your presence Lord. Hear this prayer and help me Lord. I pray also Lord for the providence of the house, i know Lord You are in control and if it is not Your will, take the house away from us and i will not blame You at all. Just provide another house for us. Thank You Lord. I also pray for Monday Mission Trip to Gold Coast, let it not be a trip wasted Lord, but a trip filled with Your mighty presence which will really test our faith in You and i really believe that we are going to see Your mighty hands move in this trip. I just commit everyone of us in this team into Your hands. God i also pray that You will arrange something for this guy and myself. We will be able to reach a conclusion on how to settle him and bring him even closer into Your presence Lord. Lord, another matter i want to commit with You is relationship and You know what it is about which i will not write here but You know Lord. I just pray that according to Your will, let it be as You deem fit and not according to my own will but Yours. Lord i just want to commit all these prayer points into Your hand, in Jesus Almighty Name, AMEN !!!
hahaaa ….. i am really very tired right now … but still, Praise God for the revival of my spirit…. at least i can laugh now heheeee ….. Today is another amazing day that shows God’s powerful hand moving yet again. (i wonder when it will stop but again who want it to stop right? hahaaa)
I start out the day in a very very down mood, still not yet recovered from the after shock from yesterday exams and when i did my quiet time today, it is just like a routine, no meaning at all in it. I didn’t learn anything much in my quiet time and did not experience God (maybe i will do another one at night). So after the quiet time, i was thinking of whether i want to go to the Evax session, and in the end i just force myself to appear and it really is an amazing recovery from then on.
Praise God, for a guy came to know Christ today. I am so happy for Him, that at that point of time, i told myself to snap out of the self-pity mood and get into the driving mood again cause there is simply so many things that i have to do. i have to make up for the shepherding with Tom and Sam, which i cancelled yesterday because of the condition that i am in, and the 24 Hour follow-up with Derick (the guy who got saved), and of course to study hard for my next paper heheeee (can’t have the same outcome again right heeeheeehee), thats’ not all, i still have to prepare for the lessons and move on with life again … (God please give me more time man) …
Still i am very thankful for all the people who have prayed for me, thankful for those who bear that attitude that i show yesterday, thankful for the people that have spent time to talk to me and to the one who lent me the car to go to Mt. Cootha hehee. Okie …. okie … it is getting very mushy over here .. let me pray …. before i pray, let me say what i have learnt today. That in all situation, God can make use of other situations that happen in other places to change the present situation to become the best of all situations. (sounds ‘cheem’ hahaaa)
“Dear God, Thank You, i really thank You for the people that You place in my life, thankful for what they did for me, at that moment of saddness. i know that You place them there when i am at my worst conditions and i thank You for helping me open-up myself to learnt to welcome Your Spirit into me once again. Thanks for the joy, the love, the passion, the commitment, the laughter that i find once more. Dear God, most important, thanks for the new brother, Derick, who come to know You today. Today Lord, i truly understand the meaning of all Heavens rejoice when a new soul is added into Your kingdom. You make use of this new life to revive me from my self-pity state, and i give thanks for it Lord. God i pray that You will guard this seed that is planted in Derick life, that You will water this seed Yourself and make that seed in him grow to become a beautiful flower that is able to stand any form of attacks. I pray that You will be with me and Geraldine even as we follow-up on him and bring him even closer to You. I pray that Derick will become a person that will be strong and abide in what You have to say. I pray for commitment in his life and i pray for the strong evidence of Your presence in his life as well. I pray Lord, that You will touch him personally, and that he will come to realise that You are indeed a real and awesome God for himself. All these in Jesus Almighty Name. AMEN !!!”
8:47a – Exam Day ….
Today is EXAM day and ….. i think i am going to flunk this exam hahaaa …. Funny thing is that i still don’t felt the pressure and stress that i used to have when i sat for exams. God must be doing something in my life for this semester exams hehe … still it is a good thing, right? RIGHT !!! PEACE PEACE PEACE !!! Thank You God !!! (better thank God first before He take it away hehee)
As to what i have wrote down yesterday, i want to commit this site to God, therefore i am going to write down my experiences and what i have learnt from my daily Quiet Time (anyway for those who don’t know what Quiet time is, please ask me okie hahaa). So please bear with me, for whoever is reading this Journal.
To continue from yesterday, i really spent my whole day studying until i really cannot take it anymore hahahaaaa …. this is one of the few moments when i really am so hardworking heheee :-0 ….. i did my quiet time at 12Am for yesterday, just when i am going to sleep … (should have done it in the morning!!! whatever) and when i wake up, i did another quiet time for today hahaaaa …… look below for the entries on what i have learnt …..
God reminded me again of a prayer request that i have made sometime ago, about how to really improve my Quiet time with Him and i believe He have already answered me. Quiet time is a time where i should really talk to God just like a friend, it is not a time for Bible study, instead it is suppose to be a time, when i read the Bible, i can relate it to my life. I really thank God for the new revelation (i think it is not really very new, it is something that i already know but i just did not apply). Thank You God.
I think i better go and finish my studies, otherwise i really going to fail later hahahaaa …… better end this with a prayer.
“God, thank You for this time, here i am sitting, writing down what You have inspire me on. i pray that i will be able to be consistent in filling in this Journal and writing down the blessing that You place in my life. God even when i am going to finish up the revision, i pray for more peace, strength and discipline to study, Lord. I commit this day into Your mighty hands and everyone else that is having exams as well today into Your hands as well. AMEN !!!”
Monday 17-11-03
Reading from Acts 10:23-47
The first thing that came to my mind is the up and coming Mission Trip to Gold Coast. i am suppose to do street preaching which i have never done before and i am definitely not looking forward to that hahaaaa … and after i talk to a sister about it, and i learn that someone once kana EGGss which the crowd throw at them, i think this should put me off for sometime heheeee …..
But when i read the passage, i somehow draw lots of courage and strength from it because just like Peter, he is called to go to the house of a Gentile which at that time is something which you will never want to do for a Jew (you will get stone to death for associating with them i think hahaa, hope it is not that serious). And I felt God’s assurance,(the same assurance that God give to Peter, i think) that i will see fruits from the street preaching (i hope it will be a few hundreds of people coming to know Christ hahaaa, then i will be the next mini Billy Graham).
Seriously, this passage really encourage me alot and a funny idea also came to me hahaaa (i still say seriously, how can this be serious)…. maybe i should buy a tray of eggs and place the eggs before the people and i will tell them “Please feel free to throw the eggs at me if you felt i am talking nonsense after my preaching” heheeeee …. i suddenly felt like i am Stephen, someone who is going to be “egged” to death hehehee …. Another verse that came to my mind is the one when Jesus challenge the people that whoever is without sin should make the first throw. But i can’t find it in the Bible anyway thank God for the encouragement 
Tuesday 18-11-03
Reading from Acts 11:1-18
“Let me be slow to judge” this is what i felt God is telling me. The many different types of Churches around the world came to my mind. There are just so many types and different churches around this whole world today that believe in so many different doctrines, but then should we be the one to judge them? i believe the answer is ‘NO’, as long as the basic doctrines are correct, we should not judge. I think that if they are teaching doctrines like ‘FAITH in Jesus Christ’, it should be okie. When we judge other people, remember that we are also being judge by other people as well. So what is the point of judgement, let God be the one who judge instead. God place different people in different situation, according to His purpose and will. So leave it to God.
Another thing that God remind me again is that, we must always know what we are doing, there is always a reason for the things that we do, or believe in. Do not be a blind follower of things, “Be ready to explain” just like Peter who is ready to exaplain to the people as well. When the reasoning is true, people will turn around and rejoice with you and believe in you as well. Today quiet time seems a bit serious …. i should repent man !!!
10:33p – I am not happy 
I am feeling very terrible right now … very very sad. I really hate myself for not putting in more effort ….
i have just finish the exam for my accounting paper … the paper consists of 100 multiple choice questions and i did not touch 30 of the questions. Somemore it is not because i don’t know how to do it ………. arrr ……. the moment i start the paper, i know i will not be able to finish, my mind is simply not working quick enough at that moment …… WHY !!! WHY O LORD WHY !!!!
i know God will still help me to pass the paper but i am feeling sad because of myself …. i simply did not put in enough effort to study for this paper ….. this is definately a wake up call for me ….. i have to change my attitude in doing things …. arrrr ……. after the paper, i went up to Mt. Cootha hoping that somehow i will feel better but still …… okie i know i will not be able to recover my spirit soon …. but still i hope it will be soon …. i promise i will be better prepared for my next paper ….
“God, i thank You for giving me this wake up call, i know Your intention is not for me to fail in this subject but to serve as a warning to me so that i will change my attitudes towards studying. O Lord, i pray that You will help me be better prepare for my next paper and i really really pray that You will help me to recover my joyful spirit again. O Lord, help me Lord …. i thank You in Jesus Name. AMEN.”
My Laptop stop working again ….. arrrrr ……… today is just very very bad …..
Hahaaa ….. funny time to start writing in this Journal but still who cares right!!!Okie before i start anything, let me first dedicate and commit this Journal to God, reason given that it is God who convicted me to start writing Journals again after a long long time hahaaa …. and from last Sunday sermon and Friday CG Discussion on writing down the memories of God, i think i better start writing.
Okie i have to dedicate this to ST as well haha (although not very willingly heheeee …. okie that is suppose to be a joke else i am going to be kill by her) but still thanks for getting me into this journal thingy hahaa ….
Of course i have to thank my family and friends (for what? must have watch too many award-giving events hahaaa) Okie okie … for their support and for i am going to write about them in the future, so i have to thank them as well for contributing heheeee (:p
Better pray first
“God God God, i thank You for every single things that You have done in my life, be it big or small little things, be it happy or sad moments, be it blessings or sufferings, be it easy or difficult situations, i like to say thank You for i know that Your hand is moving at all times and You are the one who is pulling all the strings O God, therefore, i have no fear as long as i believe and have this small little faith that You have place in my heart. God i pray that You will help me be consistent in writing down what i have learnt from You, what You have and will be giving me, every things that is happening in my life, cause there is nothing but openness between You and me Lord. Lord once more i commit myself and this Journal into Your mighty hands. In Jesus Name AMEN !!!!”
Cool …. i will update soon i hope hahaaa … have to get back to my studies hhaaahaaaa …. exams tomoloooo and i have not complete my studies at the moment hahaa ….. have to pray very very hard hahaaa ……..
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